The Best Things are the Nearest

"The best things are the nearest: 
Breath in your nostrils,
light in your eyes,
flowers at your feet,
duties at your hand,
the path of God just before you." 

This wonderful quote, from Robert Louis Stevenson, details exactly how I feel right now.  The "best" things in life are typically the "small" things, and those small things end up being the large things after all!  Those "small" moments are the ones you wish you'd taken pictures of, or enjoyed more thoroughly in the moment. 

I also love how this quote speaks of the path of God being "just before you."  Did you catch that?  Just before you.  You cannot see the path as it winds its way off into the distant horizon.  No.  You can only see that very next stepping stone, or maybe the next two, if you're lucky.  I'm starting to believe that we humans are only meant to see our very next step, so that we will not get complacent and begin trusting in our own means of saving ourselves, but continue to throw ourselves upon the Lord's trustworthiness and goodness, leaning on Him with each unsteady step ahead. 

God certainly has laid out a solid path for your life, but He typically only shows you the next step to take, and, tomorrow, after you've taken that step, He'll show you the next one after that.  And so it goes, day after day, step after step.  He leads us, guides us, and confirms our path. 

I think this method of only seeing one step ahead for your life's journey requires a strange mix of utter confidence in God, and total humility and brokenness on our part.  If we cannot see even two steps into our murky future, then we have to admit that we need God for EVERYTHING!  We need Him to place that next stone under our feet, we need Him to shed enough light on our stony path so that our feet will plant firmly and solidly upon it, and we need Him to give us strength and courage to stare out into the outer darkness looming before us, without fear.  We need God, a lot!

Additionally, we need to have utter and total confidence in God, that He keeps His promises, that He is indeed good and looking out for us, and that He has everything under control.  And, after that (perhaps the most difficult part of all this), we need to REST in that confidence, and try to live our daily lives, walking this precarious path, without worry, stress, doubt, or losing faith.  That is the real test of faith, is it not?  Putting our actions, beliefs, decisions, and confidences into daily-life action.  Give it to God, and then get over it!   

If we say we trust God, and determine to let Him guide us, then we must allow Him the freedom to lead us, wherever (and however!) He sees fit.  Just like you cannot give someone a gift and then immediately take it back, we cannot say with our mouths that we trust God and want to walk in His path, but then refuse to take that literal step of faith, letting Him guide us in His way. 

Trust, have confidence, ask God for His guidance, and then take that step! 
























image credit:  www.gettingdownwithjesus.com

The View From My Front Door

This gorgeous sunset greeted my eyes a couple of nights ago, here in Seattle.  It seems this oppressive heat surge has brought one good thing along with it:  beautiful, other-worldly sunsets every evening!  This magnificent view was just outside our front door, radiant above a long line of stately evergreens.  I could get used to this sight every night!  And if I have to deal with a bit of heat to get it, well then I guess I can manage!  Although, even though our "heat wave" is certainly a heat wave here in Seattle, it's not nearly as hot as the temperatures the Midwest has been getting lately.  Yikes! 

The Lord God is so magnificent, so majestic, and so perfect, and He uses His paintbrush to spatter the evening sky with color.  And not just ANY dull, old color, but hot pinks and purples, which are a couple of my favorites!  God is so good! 

Losing Weight After 3 Stagnant Years!

I am hesitant to write this.  I am wary to mention anything about my desperate weight loss saga, because I've thought I was losing weight before, and I was very wrong.  Before, it was just a fluke; simply the normal fluctuations my body goes through during the month. 

But my spirits are lifted today, because, over the course of the last two weeks or so, I have dropped from 208 to 204 pounds.  The first time I saw a bright red 204 on the scale, I thought it must be mistaken, so I weighed myself again.  And then a third time.  And then I weighed myself a day later.  And then the day after that.  And then that time, the scale said 203.5 pounds!  I weighed myself on the following day, and it was back up to 204.  But the point is, I think this weight loss may be for real, finally! 

As some of you may know, I've written extensively on my other blog A Life of Healthy Abundance about my traumatic experience of being on the Depo-Provera birth control shot for two years, the horrific weight gain I gained because of the Depo, and my frustratingly futile attempts at losing the weight while still on the Depo. 

Because I've written about Depo so much on the other blog, I won't go into too much more detail here, except to say that the Depo is such a high-powered dosage of the birth control hormone Progesterone (I only had to get the Depo shot once every 3 months), it tricked my body into thinking I was pregnant for 2 solid years, and thus made me gain around 50 pounds in two years.  I joined a gym and worked out 5 days a week for about 6 months, desperately trying to lose this weight that was sticking to my body. 

This intense workout regimen helped me not gain any more weight while doing it, but I did not lose a pound the entire time.  I was devastated, and I could not continue putting forth so much effort after such a devastating setback, so I quit the gym and tried to focus on eating healthier and doing less intense exercises (although I was keeping a food journal and eating fairly healthy already).  The weight gain continued, even after stopping the Depo. 

Once, I gained 10 pounds in two weeks (albeit while on vacation), but also while running 5 miles every other day during the vacation.  Definitely NOT normal, by any stretch of the imagination!  

I have been off of the Depo for 1 year and 3 months now, and I'm just now seeing some weight loss.  After three extremely difficult years filled with increasing fatigue/low energy levels, constant lower-back pain, and severe hypoglycemia occurring every 3 hours, I believe I'm finally on the track back to health. 

I wish I could proclaim from the mountaintops how horrible the Depo is for many women (although some women enjoy Depo with no side effects).  If you're on Depo, or know someone who is, I'd strongly recommend you encourage them to do their homework on their own and educate themselves about this high-powered drug, and don't just take their doctor's word for it, that everything will be fine. 

There is a fit and toned woman inside of me, who has been screaming to get out, for the past 3 years, and it has been hell on earth to see my weight skyrocket and being helpless to stop it.  After endlessly researching this topic online, speaking with female friends who've experienced similar weight gain while on birth control and/or during pregnancy, and by speaking with metabolic professionals about my issues with Depo, I found out that there was no way for me to prevent the weight gain while the Depo hormones were still in my system.  The only thing I could do was wait.  I hate waiting.  I had to wait until the Depo naturally left my system, in an excruciatingly, painfully slow fashion.  The research (and consumer reviews) say that after stopping Depo, it may take up to 2 years for a woman to get pregnant.  And I can attest to that (in a different way).  Just like the Depo may stay in a woman's system for up to 2 years, making it impossible for her to conceive, it stayed in my system for almost a year and a half, making it impossible for me to lose any of my "baby weight."  I gained weight from the non-existent "baby" that my body thought I was carrying for the last 2 years. 

Sometimes I joke that, "Now I'm fat, and I don't even have a baby to show for it!" 

But in all seriousness, this makes me very concerned about if my husband and I decide to have biological children someday.  Will I gain a ton of weight, no matter what I do to prevent it, when I am pregnant?  How much weight will I gain in 9 months of pregnancy, if I gained over 50 pounds during two years of my fake, Depo-induced "pregnancy?"  I don't know the answer to that question, but it haunts me.  And perhaps you think that's silly of me to not want to have children because I'm worried about weight gain.  But for me, this weight problem has been the bane of my existence for the last 3 years, and I cannot wait to get slim and healthy again.  I never considered myself very slim in the first place, so all I want is to finally get fit and healthy, for the first real time in my life!  I know I can succeed at my weight loss and fitness goals, if the Depo hurdle gets removed. 

I pray ceaselessly to the Lord that this weight loss I've experienced lately is genuine and is a hallmark of things to come.  And what a blessing it will be, to lose weight and be able to be healthy again!  Can you imagine?  No back pain, no Diabetes risk, no more having to buy or borrow bigger clothes that fit better, and no more feeling like my limbs have weights on them!  I'm 26 years young, and I cannot wait to feel my age!  Right now I feel MUCH older than 26 years old.   

What about you?  Have you ever been on Depo-Provera, or do you know someone who is?  Do you have any birth control horror stories?  Or perhaps your experiences were great?  Tell me about it!

No Such Thing as a Small Life!

I absolutely LOVE this picture from Getting Down With Jesus, which says "There's no such thing as a small life when it makes a BIG DEAL out of God."

This concise phrase completely encompasses everything this blog stands for and believes!  I wholeheartedly agree that there is no small life that makes a big deal out of God, because God is SO BIG and astounding, that pursuing Him is no small pursuit.

Being filled with love from God that is so vast, so urgent, and so consuming, and then showering that love back onto a lost and weary world--there is nothing small or insignificant about that!

Jesus Christ gives our lives meaning and purpose, and in Him we have our identity, our security, our faith, and our victory.  These concepts are big deals to God, and when we follow God and He gives us these things, God makes a BIG DEAL out of us.

And when God makes a BIG DEAL out of us, we can never be small, insignificant, or unworthy!  Praise God that He looks upon us so highly! 



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"Heart of Haiti" Mother's Day Post: Picking Out My Wedding Dress with My Mother

This Mother's Day, I'm working with Clever Girls in support of Macy's Heart of Haiti campaign to shine a light on the "trade, not aid" program, which provides sustainable income to Haitian artisans struggling to rebuild their lives and support their families after the 2010 earthquake.

I picked out and purchased my wedding dress before I even had an engagement ring on my finger.  That may sound a bit presumptuous, but it did not seem that way at the time.
Unbeknownst to me then, Eric, the man in my life (who is now my husband!), was planning to propose to me just a few weeks later.  All I knew was that we were in love, our relationship was moving fast, we had already decided we were a perfect fit for each other, and that we'd be married before the year was out. 

We had met around Thanksgiving of 2007, began dating in January of 2008, became engaged on May 16th (Eric's 30th birthday), and were wed on September 28th that same year.  It was quite the whirlwind romance, and it continues to this day, a little over 3.5 years later. 

That day, in early May 2008, I stood in David's Bridal with my mother and best friend, Beth.  I had my eye on a certain strapless gown, with practically no train and a simple beaded bodice.  Here I am, walking down the aisle with my dad, in my lovely dress. 

My mother had her heart set on a different dress for me, one more "fairytale princess"-esque, with a long lacy train and lace detail all over.  I was not too keen on being covered in lace, but I tried it on anyway to see.  Although Mom was in love with that dress, I still wasn't feeling it.  The other dress that was more demure and simpler was more my cup of tea.

I went against my mother's preconceived notions even further when I opted out of wearing a veil of any kind.  A veil just didn't seem to suit me or the dress.  So there I was, shucking tradition once again!  (On a side note, I found my wedding shoes once when my mom and I were out at Payless Shoes, for $7.00.  That's right:  seven dollars.  They are these perfect little white satin ballet flats.  I still have them and wear them occasionally in the summer!)  Hooray for finding great deals when planning a wedding on a tight budget!

Of course, once I had found my perfect dress, we posed for the mandatory mother-daughter pictures, mom teary-eyed and carrying a tissue throughout the store.

After finding my perfect dress, the real adventure began:  finding my mother's "M.O.B" dress!  I tend to see something I like, decide it's perfect, and I don't typically change my mind afterwards.  I make the decision and stick to my guns.  My mom, however, changes her mind as often as the Pacific Northwest weather changes from dreary, to rainy, to sunny, and back again, and sometimes it's a mixture of all three, as if it can't decide what it wants to be for that day.  My mom's decision-making habits are sort of like that.  She flip-flops and changes her mind frequently.  And that is certainly not a bad thing; it's just a way that we're different.  She needs to see all the options before making a decision, and I typically do not.

Because of this, I think my mom may have tried on more dresses than I did!  And who could blame her?  She wanted to look perfect for my Big Day.  And honestly, I was so darn happy with my dress, she could've worn almost anything and I would've thought it was fabulous!   

 My mother & father gladly took the reins of wedding planning and lovingly planned a magical evening full of splendor and practicality.  My parents had the brilliant idea to seat the wedding guests at round tables for the ceremony, and just let them continue sitting there for the reception, which meant there were no awkward tables to move around before the reception began, and no long pauses in between wedding festivities.  My parents helped it be a seamless evening full of love, beauty, and fun.  As always, my dad ensured my wedding day was logistically seamless and smooth, and as is her habit, my mother ensured that the night was draped in beauty. 

Happy Mother's Day, Mom, and thank you for helping my special day be truly lovely and beautiful.

**Thank you to Macy's Heart of Haiti for sponsoring my participation in this “Share Your Heart" promotion. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. All opinions expressed here are my own.  

What is Macy’s Heart of Haiti? Heart of Haiti is a “Trade, Not Aid” initiative launched by artist and social entrepreneur, Willa Shalit, The Clinton Bush Haiti Fund and Macy’s. Already, Heart of Haiti has led to employment of 750 artists in Haiti, providing financial benefits for an estimated 8,500 people in the country.
Each item is a one-of-a-kind design and handmade by a Haitian master artisan from raw materials such as recycled oil drums, wrought iron, papier-mâché and stone. The collection features more than 40 home decor items including quilts, metalwork, ceramics, jewelry and paintings and is made almost entirely from recycled and sustainable items such as old cement bags, cardboard, oil drums and local gommier wood.  
Heart of Haiti products are available online at Macy’s.com.

Good Friday!

Good Friday is the Friday before Easter Sunday, when the Lord Jesus Christ died on the rugged Cross of Calvary, to ransom the world back to God Almighty by redeeming us from our sins and making us righteous & acceptable to God. This day is remembered solemnly, with a thankful heart, and is a great time to reflect upon how you've been living your life and to renew your relationship with the Lord if needed. Thank you so very much, Lord Jesus, for taking my sin upon Your blameless, holy self, and for forgiving my many sins and setting me right with You, for all eterntiy. I am so thankful that I have the privilege of believing in You and loving You with every ounce of my being, and I am so excited to be spending Eternity with You! A lot of people only think of "Eternity" as being after you die; the Afterlife. But what perhaps you should realize is that Eternity includes your life here on earth, because you are a spiritual being, with a soul. And if you're a follower of Jesus Christ, your "Eternity" certainly begins the moment you accept Christ as your Savior and start a fellowship with Him. After you begin your walk with Jesus, He gives your life a supernatural meaning and purpose, not to mention an important job to do while here on Earth. Your "job" is to illuminate His love and all the great and wonderful things He has done for you, to point others towards Him in love, and to thoroughly enjoy Him and the life He gave you! I hope all of you enjoy your Good Friday, and reflect upon His immense love for you.

"Free Them" 5K Run for World Concern!

On May 12th, I will be running my first 5K (or race of ANY kind) since 2007.  This race is to support a GREAT cause:  World Concern Ministries, who help battle poverty and exploitation in areas like Haiti & Africa!  You can click here to go to my fundraising page and donate whatever you feel inclined to donate towards this worthy cause of saving people from the ravages of poverty. 

World Concern helps rescue people from poverty on numerous levels, including bettering their lives by providing wells for clean drinking water, educating children and oppressed women, teaching women marketable skills like sewing or jewelry making to sell for money, and even giving out small business loans to help local people start their own businesses and help pull themselves out of the sticky mire of poverty.   I really admire how World Concern acknowledges that there are many battle fronts to pursue in fighting the war on poverty, and how a many-faceted approach is probably the best for creating lasting change. 

Currently I am training for this race, but I recently returned to running after quite the hiatus, so I can only run for a few minutes before taking a walk break.  My goal is to be able to run the entire 5K without stopping to walk or rest, so we shall see! 

This race conveniently coincides with my new aggressive plan to lose weight and get back into shape.  But I don't believe in coincidences, so I feel that this is meant to be, and that I am going to 'kill two birds with one stone':  get into shape again, and raise money for a worthy cause by training for (and then finishing) a 5K race.

Will you please think and pray about whether or not you should donate to my cause, or if you're inspired, please go find a service organization you feel strongly about, and get involved with them somehow and help change the world (or at least your small corner of it!)  

And, if you're the praying kind, please pray for me and my fitness journey, that I will (finally!) be able to start losing weight, now that it's been a little over a year since I've been off of the Depo-Provera birth control shot, since that's what caused me to gain about 55 pounds in the last two years.  I have desperately tried losing weight before, and was completely devastated that after 5 months of hardcore exercise and eating healthy.  During those five months of working out for 1.5 hours five days a week, I did not gain any more weight, but I did not lose a single pound, because the Depo was still coursing vigorously through my system, and it was doing its job of tricking my body into thinking it was pregnant, thus storing all the fat it could, and hanging onto it with a vise-like grip. 

So, this is a great opportunity for me in a couple of ways, because I am excited to raise money for a cause I believe is producing real, positive change in the world, while also encouraging me to get in shape with a specific goal in mind.  Won't you join me and the revolution against poverty and pain?  Donate to my page, or find your favorite charity and get to work!  God bless you in your efforts!